Saturday, April 17, 2010

Everything I Know About China I Learned from Kai-Lan

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan,

Thank you for taking the time to read this message. I find your show to be very educational and I wanted to make sure I have some things correct. Sometimes I get distracted by your giant eyes and don't know if my notes are 100% accurate. I tried to double check things on Wikipedia, but I thought it might be better to go straight to the source.

To make things easier, I will list the top 20 things I have learned from your super happy show. Please respond to me if I am mistaken.

  1. I have noticed that your favorite animal is a dinosaur, despite the fact that you hang out with animals almost constantly. In fact, it is almost obsessive. Would it be fair to say that you are teaching me that in China dinosaurs exist? And that all dinosaurs are the same? Would that be similar to me saying my best friend is a human? No need to narrow things down in China, eh?
  2. I am very happy that you teach me to say things two ways. After all, I would never have learned that a grandfather in China is called Ya-Ya. Actually, I believe it is spelled YeYe, but pronounced Ya-Ya. More importantly though, I hope your show will tell me the divine secrets of your grandfather's sisterhood. Cliffhanger, anyone?!
  3. In China, tigers can play the xylophone! Not only that, but Kai-Lan, you are part of a band which includes a DJ, a singer, a xylophone player, and a tambourine player! That rocks!
  4. I have learned that whenever I meet someone from China, I should scream "Tiger, tiger, roar!"
  5. Apparently, in China, kaola bears and panda bears share a love that can not be broken.
  6. Ho Hos are not only a delicious, cylindrical, chocolate frosted with rolled chocolate cake and cream filling snack, but is also an appropriate name for a monkey!
  7. Rhinos in China are very different than I thought. In China, rhinos are pink.
  8. In China, a rhino weighs so little, despite appearances, that it can float if you tie a balloon to its horn.
  9. In China, rhinos live in houses!
  10. That float!
  11. On clouds!
  12. (Kai-Lan, on a side note, if a rhino can do all this, why is it not your favorite animal?)
  13. One of the most important things I have learned from your show is that the sun (or Mr. Sun as you call him) rises over China before anywhere else in the world. Gotta love jingoism in my preschool cartoons!
  14. Also, the sun needs to buy an alarm clock and not wait for you to wake him up every day. What if you were sick and slept in one day?
  15. They Might Be Giants taught me that the sun is a mass of incandescent gas. What they failed to teach me, and thank you for filling in the blanks, is that the sun likes to play the french horn!
  16. In China, it is just as cliche to name an elephant "Stompy" as it is anywhere else in the world. However, your baby pandas should be named after fruit, like Little Watermelon.
  17. In China, ducks can hula dance!
  18. Apparently, bad manners and negative emotional responses are common in China. And they cause all sorts of drama. In every episode.
  19. In China, people are thorough to the point of wanting to blow your brains out from the sloooooooooow deduction of a problem. No matter how simple the issue is, it takes you 20 minutes or so to figure it out. I understand you want to make sure you get it right, but everyone saw the same thing you did. There is no need to rehash the situation 4794 times, even after you have answered your OWN question the first 4793 times.
  20. The biggest lesson I have learned from your show, Kai-Lan, is that the Chinese people are PARTY ANIMALS! You have festivals, parades, celebrations, or shows for everything - dragonboats, hats, lanterns, music, ladybugs, the moon, thankfulness, rabbit acrobats, dancing ants, gardens, and the new year, just to name a few. I don't know how the Chinese people get anything accomplished with all this partying!
So, Kai-Lan, thank you very much for teaching me so much. You are an inspiration for us all! After all, I learned on Wikipedia (I guess you didn't really want your past exposed in the National Enquirer), that "kai-lan" is Chinese broccoli!

You are, without a doubt, the best leafy vegetable turned into a real, yet animated, girl who teaches me about Chinese language, culture, negative emotions, and rhinos with balloons. Plus you party like a rockstar!!!!

Muchas Gracias!


1 comment:

  1. Kai-Lan is a Chinese American. The show takes place in the U.S., not China. Remember the show in which the gang went back to China to visit YeYe's sister? You obviously saw it because it's the same show that had the baby panda naming event. And YeYe is pronounced Yeh Yeh, not YaYa. As for the rest of your comments, I don't know if they are humor or sarcasm. I hope it's the former. Lastly, what's a grownup (I assume you're a growup) like you watching a show made for 2 to 5 year olds?