Friday, February 26, 2010

In Memoriam

In Memoriam

Photo book
Open to yesterday
Time lines
Overlap faces
The morning
Under corners
Sole to the seconds
Images incomplete
And dotted
Among the inert
Pinched and faded
Spectre negate
In contrast
Hours held
Among family
Among self
Among strangers
Among linen page

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Culinary Skills

If I have to spend more than 3 minutes in the kitchen cooking something, I normally screw it up. In addition, if a recipe has more than 4 ingredients and 3 steps, it's probably a hopeless cause. I know I should learn to cook more things, but I think 4 grease fires in various kitchens is enough for a lifetime.

Don't get me wrong, I can cook some things. I can make scrambled eggs. I can make a pretty decent spaghetti dinner. And that's about it...

But there are two things for which I am famous. I make a mean piece of toast! And I have an award-winning dessert I can make!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Reminiscing About Game Shows Past... Part 2

Some people call it a guilty pleasure. Others call it the best daytime game show of all time. I tend to fall into the second category. The Price is Right. Or at least it WAS right.

Who didn't watch The Price is Right on days you were home sick from school? Or during summer break? The chances are you did. You watched and you rooted for different contestants. You snickered when the women would attack Bob Barker and kiss him on stage. You drooled over Barker's Beauties. It was cheesy. It was campy. It was the 1970s in a big package wrapped up with a bow of awesome on it.

Reminiscing About Game Shows Past... Part 1

This will not be a long post. It is too sad to be a long post. I just wanted to share a few memories of my childhood.

I was flipping the channels on the television today and went past the bonus round on Wheel of Fortune. Now I was never a huge fan of Wheel of Fortune. I always thought it was a little stupid. But I found myself thinking about when it would be on in my great aunt's house when we would stop by in the evenings. Fond memories. Even made me a little weepy, remembering those times.

Then I looked at the screen again and realized that this is NOT the same Wheel of Fortune from my memories! In fact, it appears that some alien race came to Earth, stole the Wheel of Fortune, returned to the planet Suckass and then beamed the show back on the air.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

February 23 is the Greatest Day Ever

 Why is February 23 the greatest day ever? Just look at the list I compiled and see if you agree.
  1. Today is February 23, 2010. 
  2. There are 305 more shopping days until Christmas. 
  3. Conspiracy of the day: On this day in 1896, the Tootsie Roll is invented. Exactly 101 years later, in 1997, scientists cloned a sheep, naming the lamb "Dolly." Rumors of the sheep eating Tootsie Rolls could not be confirmed. Coincidence or conspiracy???
  4. On February 23, 1954, Dr. Jonas Salk began kicking the ass of polio with the first mass inoculation of  children with his vaccine.
  5. On February 23, 1945, the United States takes Iwo Jima and raises the flag.
  6. On February 23, 1861, Texas secedes from the Union! (Unfortunately, it was returned to the Union later when the local sanitation department wouldn't haul it away.)
  7. It is the birthdate of W.E.B. DuBois.
  8. In ancient Rome, landowners celebrated a festival known as Terminalia on this day. While Terminalia was a festival honoring the god Terminus (the god who protected boundary markers... really? They needed a god for that?), there is a belief that it was a festival revolving around Sarah Connor. Arnold Schwarzenegger allegedly would time travel to take part in the festivities.
  9. And finally, in 2010, a pickle recorded more Facebook friends than the band Nickelback.
Greatest. Day. Ever.
Until tomorrow.

Sesame Street

Ah... the good old days... I remember when I could watch Sesame Street and not become annoyed beyond belief. Not just when I was a small little guy, but even as I grew older. Something happened though... Something went wrong along the way... It would be wrong to speculate (a crack epidemic? Invasion of the Muppet Snatchers? starting to take advice from a talking goldfish?) so let me just go through the current state of Sesame Street...

Saturday, February 20, 2010



     and alive.
What holds,
     what keeps,
     what flashes
Into new?
Quest for 
     with twists.
     doubled over,
     folded into forgery.
One day.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Random Kid TV Thoughts

Ok... just a few random kid TV thoughts this morning...

  • Elmo, your shade is not doing a penguin dance. You probably have a draft. If you properly insulated your room or got newer windows you would save on your heating bill too... Oh yea, you are probably too busy thinking about more ways to feed your massive ego.
  • Yo Gabba Gabba. Really? What is so exciting about playing with a diorama? Dioramas were for the kids who didn't want to read the whole book to do a book report in school. 
  • Yo Gabba Gabba again. DJ Lance, what the heck is up with that hat?
  • Yo Gabba Gabba one more time. Why are Brobee and Plex prejudiced against in the Yo Gabba Gabba world? I deduced this from the theme song only. Muno is described as "tall and friendly." A physical trait and a personality trait. Foofa is described as "pink and happy." Again, a physical trait and a personal trait. Toodee is described as liking "to have fun." No physical trait, but a distinctive personality trait. So Muno, Foofa, and Toodee are described based on their personality. However, Brobee is described as "the little green one." What is that all about? Brobee is not important enough to have his personality described? And why is it so important that we know Brobee is little and green? Is the prejudice against his shortness or his color? Finally, Plex is described as a "magic robot." Really? Is there any other stereotype you would like to use?  Wow, that diorama is really behind the times.
  • Toot and Puddle. Change you names. Immediately.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Must ... Stop ... Watching ... Kid ... TV ...

Those who know me have probably heard this already, but I felt it appropriate to post here. This way people reading will know that I do not focus my rage simply on Elmo (although he is the most deserving). Today, I want to pose a question that has troubled me for months.

Wouldn't you think, that maybe, after the 4000th time or so, that the Wonder Pets would realize that whatever they have to do to fix the flyboat is EXACTLY what they have to do to save the baby animal? It seems they are just wasting time and keeping the baby animals in peril because they can not remember this concept... Get with it, you three!
And, just why exactly is the guinea pig your leader? It seems that the turtle is the one who figures everything out eventually. Maybe the guinea pig has had so many experiments done on her that she has learned some things. Who knows? (And yes, I know their names. Unfortunately. I could even sing their stupid song. I am choosing to not do so.)

I could go on... and on... and on... but I will leave it at that for now. The Wonder Pets do make the occasional surreal joke which makes me chuckle, so I won't put throw them on the fire pit. Yet. Wonder Pets, you've been warned.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Okay, Elmo... This Means War!

Elmo -

I am forgoing the niceties as you have simply gone too far this time. I was going to give you a break when I realized you were psychotic, but this has gotten out of hand. In fact, I am too irritated to write in proper paragraphs, so let me compile a list of 15 reason why you must die...

Elmo, Elmo, Elmo

Dear Elmo -

I know we have had our differences in the past, but I didn't realize you can hear your goldfish, Dorothy, talking to you. So, in deference to the fact that you are PSYCHOTIC, I shall cease the offensive for now. But this is your last warning. Seek help, Elmo.


p.s. - And watch out for Mr. Noodle. It's a little weird how he is always outside your window.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Memo To Elmo

Memo to Elmo -

STOP REFERRING TO YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON, YOU ANNOYING BRAT! And while you are at it, stop with the giggling already! I do not wish for this conflict to escalate further. Thank you in advance.



Dear Elmo -

I hate you. I just thought you should know this.


Monday, February 15, 2010

Morrison Reviews... Best Picture Nominations 2010

This was not going to be my first blog post, but I decided I would throw it out there and see how it scored in various demographics. So, for your pleasure, and to help you avoid sitting through countless hours of needless drivel, here are my brief reviews of the films nominated for Best Picture by the Oscars this year. (Please note that I have seen every one of these films in my tryptophan-induced dreams. The popcorn is better.)