Album Review - Shelly Fairchild's "Ruby's Money"

My first introduction to Shelly Fairchild's music came at some point in 2005 when I heard her rocking arena-rocker "You Don't Lie Here Anymore." Of course, the countrified banjo and twangy guitar gave me some pause, but I was getting used to good rock-and-roll being dressed up in their country finest to hide.* I relished the song (and in a world where videos are an art of by-gone days, that video was all kinds of kick-ass) and wanted to find out more about this artist.

Liquid Green Ninjas

I just saw a commercial for Frontline Flea and Tick Killer.

 

Apparently inside the little squeezy bottle there are warriors bred for battle with fleas and ticks. These warriors are green liquid ninjas running through the hair of a dog or cat, killing all the fleas and ticks they encounter.

 

But then the commercial mentions their green liquid ninjas kill the complete life cycle of these insects.

At this point we are witness to the indiscriminate slaughter of nest after nest of flea and tick eggs. 

 

Do I really need to know this product has introduced genocidal green liquid ninjas onto the skin of my pet? 

 

I thought we vilified Anakin Skywalker for doing that type of shit. 

 

Time to Gamble!

HOA Tales

Are Home Owners' Associations the bane of human existence? I am not sure if I am ready to go that far, but my HOA really grinds my nerves into a fine paste. Then they take that nerve paste and mix it with lukewarm water to make a remedial glue. I believe at this point they sniff their homemade nerve paste glue and write their newsletters. I know of no other possible explanation.

Marbit this!

Everyone knows that Lucky Charms is the most incredible cereal in the entire world. It is a given fact that can not be disputed. Seriously. I know some people might say Cap'n Crunch, but those people are insane. Not even crunchberries can turn Cap'n Crunch into a contender. What exactly is he a captain of anyway? And what is with the damn abbreviation of your title? Methinks you are hiding something, Mr. Crunch.

But we’re here to discuss Lucky Charms. They are the best. No question. With milk in the morning or as a late night snack. A few in a little Dixie cup as a snack at my grandmother’s house. As a surprise in the college cafeteria cereal aisle which would be devoured by hungry students within hours. However you want to eat it, it is no doubt the best cereal of all time.

But all is not right in the world of deliciousness.

Let's Go Out to the Lobby... and Get Ourselves an Oscar. (Seriously, they are free when you upsize your popcorn purchase.)

In a tradition dating back to 2010, I have gone another year without seeing a single Oscar-nominated film. However, as a public service, I will still provide a brief synopsis of all ten (yes, 10!) films nominated for Best Picture this year.

Santa's PostSecret

During my yearly visit to the North Pole (the elves have an AWESOME After-Christmas Clearance Sale), I noticed a couple mailbags being lugged to the curb by Waste Management Elf. So I ask him what that was, and he said that Santa decided that he couldn't file EVERY child's letter to him every year, so some of them had to be recycled. I asked if I could review some of them for an article I was writing, and he said sure. The next two days I spent holed up in my igloo (helpfully constructed for me by Natolik, my Eskimo guide) reading various children's letters to Santa by the red light of Rudolph's nose. (The other reindeer were attending the Reindeer Games. I believe Shawn White won three gold medals. Blitzen was disqualified for using an antler-enhancer. The scandal rocked the Aurora Borealis!)

Three letters stood out to me that I would like to reproduce here. They were from a set of triplets, barely a year old, living in the state of Louisiana. The level of maturity and sophistication, as well as restraint, made me hope that Santa brought these three children everything they wished.

I don't believe anything more needs to be said that the letters don't say themselves, so enjoy!