Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lyricism - Part 3 (You Have No Choice and Dreams in the Wind)

Here are some more lyrics rescued from a torn and shredded high school folder helpfully labeled "Lyrics." As before, in an effort to rid the world, and myself, of these ridiculous expressions of lyrical content, I will be presenting selected lyrics from several "songs" here to allow the proper disgrace they will undoubtedly bestow upon me.

Read at your own risk. The song is in blue type with red type reserved for my public destruction.

You Have No Choice  I classified this lyric as Heavy Metal, so read in between the banging of your head!

We started out so happily  awww, a happy beginning. This must be a hippy song...
You turned it into war  Well, maybe a hippy protest song...
You said you weren't satisfied  Or a hippy protest song in their therapist's office...
You said you wanted more  Or perhaps couples therapy.
You couldn't accept the fact,  Another non-believer of Darwinian evolution.
that I still loved you 
You turned my love into a game  Parcheesi, anyone?
You said you wanted something new  Of course. Everyone loved New Coke.

Chorus:    I wish I could tell you I'll take you back 
                But that's just not the way I work.  If that isn't the way I work, why do I wish I will take you back?
                You see, you left and humiliated me 
                Still, you have no chance to come back  Still? That doesn't make a lot of sense in this situation...

You tell the same old story,  Moby Dick
You say the same old thing  Like I just did right there?
You say you were after fame and glory  Wha? Was I dating someone from Showgirls?
Now look at what you've done to me 

(fast guitar solo)  Because slow and steady doesn't shred.


(With no music playing)  You have no chance  Chanting is one of the three ways of getting a point across.
                                      You have no chance  Screaming is another way of getting a point across.
                                      You have no chance  Repetitive annoyance is the third way of getting a point across.

(drum lead-in)  We have to justify the drummer being in the band, right?

You have no chance  In case the three ways don't work, try waterboarding.
You have no chance  Or perhaps bamboo under the fingernails.
You have no chance  Or this song on repeat play mode...
(fade out)


Dreams in the Wind  This lyric is classified as commercial, so imagine Justin Beiber singing this with Pink Floyd as his backing band.

(keyboard lead-in)  Let's get progressive!

Lost, with nowhere to go  If you have no destination, can you really be lost? Damn, I was deeper than I thought.
Lost, with no one to turn to  Wow, metaphysically lost as well. Where is Descartes when you need him?
My life's a shambles,  You know, shambles is not the most common word in pop songs. Perhaps I was trying to change that.
my pride is gone  Oh no! The lions are missing!

Chorus:    My dreams... get caught in the wind  That must be a strong breeze.
                My dreams... get lost in the wind  Umm, the wind is translucent... how can something get lost in it?

I sing my song of sorrow  It sounds an awful lot like Drop It Like It's Hot.
My voice get caught in the wind  You know, if Zephyr is behind this, he's off the bowling team.
No matter what I'm up against,
I never, ever win  Well, I am glad I wasn't too much of a defeatist in this song, eh?


(guitar and keyboard solos)  Guitar AND keyboard solos? Poor young Beiber will just have to count his money and pimples during this extended noodling.

(Chorus x 4)  Well, at least that is better than another groan-inducing chorus.

(drum fade out)  Oh yeah... that maladjusted dude, in the back, holding those sticks, is still here. That's cool.

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