Dear Dora, Please Help Me Understand

Dear Dora, Boots, Dora the Explorer Writers, Diego, Mermaids, Anyone Who is a Fan of Animation, Anyone Who is an Expert on Environmental Issues, and Anyone Who Has Seen Splash -

I need help. Please help me. I just watched a direct-to-DVD feature starring Dora the Explorer. This movie (at 45 minutes it was more of an extended episode, but we'll roll with it) was from 2007 and called Dora the Explorer Saves the Mermaids. I was hoping that I would be entertained. I wasn't. Worst case scenario, I was hoping that I would still be coherent at the end of my viewing. That is still to be determined.

The movie did cause my brain to hurt something awful though. I have so many questions to ask and I am hoping that someone, anyone, can help me. Please, my sanity may just depend on it.

Soccer Made Easy

In an attempt to help others understand what is happening on your television sets, in bars, and all around the world this month, here is my glossary of soccer terms. You may think that you understand soccer, but then you hear the announcers (if you can get past the infernal buzz of the vuvuzelas) and you wonder what the hell is going on out there. A few simple vocabulary words here and you will be able to bullshit your way through any conversation with a soccer fan.

World Cup of Pain

I thought I got all of my soccer hate out of my system. But then the World Cup came along.